Hello everyone my blog name is. Simply I and I’m currently serving a life sentence in the Arizona Department of Corrections because during the course of a felony act someone died. I am currently 37 years old and I have been incarcerated since November 22, 1996. At the time of my incarceration I had just turned 18 years old and I was 5 months pregnant with my first and only child. I had been rejected by my family due to my strange and erratic behavior (little did we know I was born with a neurological disorder that advances in your teens). With family out of the picture it didn’t take long before I was on a direct path to prison and hell (if it had not been for grace).
We moved from Brooklyn, New York and I had not lived in Arizona very long maybe 3-4 years before my incarceration. I really had no recourse but to be in the streets after I was put out of my family’s home. And there I was surrounded by the streets and never alone… yet, aloneI was. Have you ever been surrounded by people but were still very much alone? Well that was me! I did not know who I was or where I was going. I was like a tumble weed being tossed to and fro getting stuck in situations I never wanted to or imagined I would be in. I was truly, truly lost.
I was once asked a question that haunts me even to this day, “when you grow up what do you want to be?” This is just an unassuming question that everyone is asked right? Well it didn’t seem that simple to me. Whenever asked, a blank stare would just engulf my face as everyone else around me would begin to interject. But how in the world did they know what they wanted to be or do? Where did they hear this stuff? Where are they getting these ideas- is there some mysterious TV show, book, or class that teaches you the appropriate response? This was all I could think about. Nothing! I mean nothing remotely answering the question entered my mind. I tried to imagine myself doing some of the things that those nosy friends of mines would so vibrantly blurt out. But I couldn’t be a nurse I have a weak stomach, I couldn’t be a teacher I just wasn’t that smart. Nothing they mentioned was …“me”.
The bible says, “Where there is no vision the people shall perish”. Having walked this out in my own life I believe this to be my new found truth. Having no vision may not have brought you to a physical prison maybe your prison is spiritual or metaphorical. Maybe your tumbleweed adventures landed you in an unwanted relationship, a dead end job, an unmotivated life, or an in the closet addiction. Whatever your prison is it is high time for your release. It is time to find a life of purpose. Start small, start large or just start. Maybe a better way to ask the question of what you want to do in life is to ask why you were born. What is your purpose on this earth? Ask yourself this question often (especially if you feel your life is off course). Though, I have asked myself this question before I found myself asking again. I recently had brain surgery and I wondered if I had done enough if I had touched the lives of others in a way that left my mark on this world for good and not evil. And I find that I have a new found mission and purpose to bless the lives of others with purpose and vision. This is my start!